weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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