toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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