Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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