You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
