The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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