we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
