he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
