forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
as a side note pls kill me
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