So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize