White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
