dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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