At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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