Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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