Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
