Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
