your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
