Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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