yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
