am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
