Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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