I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
