I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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