Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
