Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
