If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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