Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize