Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
