dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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