I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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