I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
