So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
