I think im going to throw up on grandma
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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