tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
