She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
party gras won. party gras always wins.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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