I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
