I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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