I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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