She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
