i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
