Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
