now i know why i became what i already was.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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