piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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