I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
