i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
