he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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