You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
