My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
