its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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