sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
