then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
