so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I did not marry a roomba.
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