You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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