Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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