I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
