Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize