You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
