It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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