Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize