whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
