ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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