They should really pass out barf bags in church
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
