Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The air taste purple.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
