He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
