kristin has been a bad kristin
no, he came in my armpit
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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