Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
