You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
