I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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