and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
please come you make the beer taste better
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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