if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
