If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
