Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
